Life With Itachi
by NinjaLuffer1215
Summary: How is life really like with the Uchiha prodigy? First Fanfic, no flamers please.


Life with Itachi

You would think that being a mass murder, the worst possible torture I could possibly imagine would be if the black-ops ninjas ever found me. Well I was wrong! And I mean WRONG! My name is Kisame Hoshigaki, I'm a member of the Akatsuki, a secret group of rouge S ranked criminal ninjas. Now there are some real weirdos here, and I mean weirdos! But my partner happened to be Itachi Uchiha. He may be the most normal looking one out of all of us, but he is one physco kid! Sometimes I would rather that I get arrested than live with this kid.

Mornings with Itachi are the worst. Every morning at 5am, he's in the middle of the room doing yoga workouts. Let me repeat that, every morning at 5AM even Sunday mornings. I've been out all night huntin' for something to eat, because boss says its too suspicious to hunt doing the day, and I've just settled down for some shut eye. And not even thirty minutes later I'm hearing " 1...and....2...hold it. . . now stretch as far as you can....." all playing to cheesy yoga music. I mean it wouldn't be that bad if the kid would just not use the workout video too!! You would think that he would know it by heart as long as he's been doing all this! And every time I ask him to turn it down, he whines that great ninjas have to stay in tip top shape. Crazy kid, I mean look at me; all I do is lay around half the day, and I'm as great of a ninja as I would be if I did morning yoga at 5 am. Plus some people aren't made to bend that way, Sheesh!

After Itachi finishes his two and a half hour routine, he takes a shower. You would think 'oh its just a shower, he'll be out in about ten minutes, uh no! That kid takes 3 hours in the bathroom! 3 HOURS! The whole time I'm standing outside about doing a rain dance cuz I have to go pee! If the kid was any bit courteous, he would let me go potty first, but no he has to take a shower 'before the sweat from the yoga work out clogs his pores'! After a while I decided to go use somebody else's bathroom while i wait for his highness to finish primping. Easier said than done. I was going to see if I could use Zetsu's toilet, but I don't think the dude uses the bathroom. Then I decided to try Deidara and Tobi's potty, but then I remembered that Deidara said that Tobi likes to go fishing in the toilet every morning. And Kuzuka wanted to save a buck on his toilet, so the use a bucket instead. Yes, they use a bucket! Weirdos. Anyway, so I decided to go outside, but then I remembered how pissed Konan was at me last time I peed on her fitcus, and Pein get angry if I pee outside. He says that its 'indecent exposure'. So I had to wait for the kid to get out of the shower. I once asked him what he did in the bathroom that took 3 hours. And he told me that before he gets in the shower, he has to exfoliate his skin. Then once he's in the shower, he has to shampoo thoroughly with his name brand shampoo, and then condition and let it sit in his hair for a couple minutes then wash out. Then he repeats and repeats until he's satisfied with the 'lusciousness' of his hair? Whatever that is supposed to mean. Next he moisturizes his skin until it is smooth as a baby's bottom. I don't even wanna know how he knows how smooth a baby's butt is. Anyway, when he's done with his shower he has to blow dry his hair very carefully so that he doesn't get split ends. And then he carefully brushes every stand of hair individually so that it will be 'silky smooth' You think I'm exaggerating, but I'm far from it. By the time the kid gets done telling me all this, I couldn't even laugh. I could only shake my head in disgust at how much of a pansy my supposed "partner in crime" is.

So after his 3 hour morning shower fest, you would think that he would be ready for breakfast. Haha, no! Ok let me explain, we are in an organization. We have uniforms we have to wear, and they don't change day to day. We have to wear the same stinkin' robes every day. Yet some how it takes Itachi another 30 minutes to pick out which on he's going to wear! I mean either this one's too wrinkly or this ones 'improperly hemmed' or that one is just too faded and doesn't go well with his 'complexion'. By this point I'm ready to just grab the first uniform within my reach and shove it up his ass. But I ain't that stupid. Itachi may be a pansy, but he's a pansy that can kick my ass.

Right when I get my hopes up that we're about to leave, Itachi remembers that he forgot to put on his eyeliner. Eyeliner, that is the crap the GIRLS put on to make their eyes look better, not Guys. And I'm pretty positive that Itachi is a guy, I won't even explain that one. So we finally get down to breakfast, and Itachi has to have his strict fancy pants needs met. On Monday mornings, for example, Itachi demands two strips of 6in. bacon strips with the fat trimmed, 3 eggs sunny side up fried in extra virgin olive oil straight from Italy, 2 extra fluffy homemade biscuits with half a cup of homemade white gravy, and a strawberry banana protein smoothie to wash it all down. Boss got so tired of Itachi complaining that his order was not 'adequately met' that he sent Dedaira and Tobi out to kidnap a professional gourmet chef to satisfy the pipsqueak's needs. In other words, so that Itachi will shut the hell up.

Wednesday is probably the worst day of the week, laundry day, and guess who has to do Itachi's laundry. ME! All I know is that for killing his entire clan, the kid keeps some strange briefs. One Wednesday I came across a pair of his undies that read 'Uchiha Pride' across the front band, and had his clans symbol on the back. If Itachi wasn't just ten feet away doing his nails, I would've about died laughing, I mean, how hilarious is that! It would be like if I had a shirt advertising 'Eat at Joes!' or if Kazuka worked at a charity drive. It just isn't supposed to work that way. One day I just couldn't stand it, and I took his 'Uchiha Pride' undies and waved them in front of the whole Akatsuki. I was in the hospital for 3 weeks. But it was worth it to see the look on the kid's face when everybody saw those undies of his. Hehe, it was classic. Another thing about Itachi, the kid is a total neat freak! I mean crazy neat! Once I was putting up his socks and I "incorrectly placed" one sock. One Sock! and somehow from ten feet away, Itachi sees my mistake. He's totally crazy! Sometimes I debate about whether or not it would be better to continue living with this freak or just walking to the nearest village and turning myself in! Ahhh......!

"Kisame!. . . . are you writing in you're diary again!"

"How many times must I tell you, it's a journal Itachi?!"

"Well quite writing and get over here and scrub my feet! Do you want me to have callasts?"

Like I said, I'm still debating which is a worse fate, going ahead and turning myself in or dealing with this kid any longer. . . you know I might just hide in a box and ship myself to Cancun or something. I think I could use a vacation anyway. . .


End file.
